When I was a kid, I was skinny! As I became a young adult, I was still skinny. Over time, I plumped up quite nicely. But you know what’s funny? I didn’t even realize how “lucky” I was to be skinny. All the time people tried to feed me. I could eat whatever I wanted without gaining a pound. I wore the cutest clothes. But I was CLUELESS as to my privileged status in society as a “thin girl/woman.” What I always knew is that I looked like my Mom and her Mom and that all my sisters did too. My Mom was skinny until after the menopause when she described herself as “pleasingly plump.” She never seemed to realize that you have to be thin to be happy or sexy. In that way, I’m most lucky that I had a Mom with such a positive view of herself.
But seriously, can you even imagine a world in which all the women were thin? Can you imagine if you and your best friends and family members could get down to a size 0 and stay that size. Do you really believe it would make you happier, healthier, sexier. I know. I know. The first thing that comes to your mind is YES!!! You’d probably give anything to have this happen (for yourself at least). But think of all the times you’ve been thinner, even if not a size 0. Were you really happier? Sexier? Smarter? Healthier?
If you’re honest with yourself, you will admit that you were the same person when you lost weight as you are now. Food obsessed. Worried now about regaining the weight. Always comparing yourself to someone else who was thinner, prettier, taller, blonder, whatever! So Fact # 8 Losing weight won’t make you happy but being happy can help you lose weight. In order to lose weight, you need to work on being happier, healthier, sexier, more grateful, etc. on the inside. Then your weight will be a natural result of how you feel about yourself and a genuine expression of who you really are.
What is your weight and body image saying about you now?
As a former patient of yours at Sierra Tucson- April 2007
–, when I stumbled on your blog, I smiled when I saw your picture and read your post…I think what makes me the happiest is how much I’ve changed.
I remember back in 2007 when I was at ST you assigned me to a writing project (I don’t specifically remember what it was). You asked me what I thought the purpose was. After I unsuccessfully hemmed and hawwed to try and find the “right” answer, you informed me that the purpose of the project was to learn in the process of doing.
That idea had a profound effect on me and my recovery. I could not hope to recover in the hopes of gaining something, or else I would have had no real hopes of being free from my eating disorder, chemical dependency, etc. I imagined myself in the most horrible and traumatic situations humans can experience, but I pictured myself remaining solidly in recovery. I had a profound realization that I had to stop making excuses for acting out, and that no matter what, recovery would always, always, always come first.
There were days that recovery didn’t seem to fulfill the expectations I wanted it to. The problems were still there. I believe that the only reason I was able to maintain recovery (especially in the critical few early months) was my conviction that recovery wasn’t there to DO something for me. Recovery isn’t another quick fix! It is only something that occurs in the present moment, and recovery absolutely does not mean that I will feel “good.”
In reference to your post, I saw my old mentality, depsite the fact that you weren’t referring directly to eating disorders. (Eating disorders are just the manifestation of the disordered eating and body images that the vast majority of Western cultures have, in my opinion…the end of the continuum).
My new mentality, two years into recovery, is this: I can’t say I always feel 100% dead sexy…far from it. I can’t say I feel like I have a “perfect” body, but I don’t care! It’s not about a weight, a size, approval from a guy…my body is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what I value about myself.
I love my body, but to be honest, I don’t really worry about it’s appearance (or numbers or whatever) too much! I really don’t like pushing it too hard, b/c I’ve grown to enjoy being physically comfortable. I used to enjoy the ego boost I felt from being able to tolerate Spartan diets and exercise schedules. But really, who cares?! No one ever came up to me and begged for my autograph b/c I was skinny! I was a very sad and lonely person when I cared that much about food and weight, and not about my health.
I can’t emphasize the extent of how much happier and fulfilled my life is since I’ve stopped obsessing about losing weight. For someone who needs to lose weight, it is no different. First comes happiness, self-respect, joy, etc….then losing weight will come for the right reasons.
And if you don’t lose the weight, it’s not the worst thing in the world, since you gained self-esteem, satisfaction, and a more profound meaning in your life.